Smart Water is Free Water

After a few recent arguments on the topic of bottled water with some feeble-minded peons, I’ve come to the conclusion that people are severely uneducated about drinkable water in the US. So, my goal for this post is to give you a few reasons to stop buying bottled water. No bullshit, let’s get started:

1) Bottled water is not healthier than tap water. According to a recent New York Times article, the government has higher regulations for water cleanliness in tap water than it does for bottled water. This is because the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) regulates tap water whereas the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) regulates bottled water. This means that the water that rinses the skid marks off your toilet bowl is probably safer to drink than the water inside that trusty plastic bottle. Also, any of the “added minerals, electrolytes, vitamins” you see advertised on high-end (irony?) water bottles is utter blasphemy. Not only does tap water typically have more useful minerals than bottled water, but including just a bit of meat in your diet can all but alleviate any mineral concerns. It is true that certain areas in the US are known to have water quality concerns, but it’s nothing that a simple filter can’t handle. Do not buy bottled water for “health” reasons because, well, there are none.

2) Bottles are made of plastic. Anytime you sell a product that is packaged in plastic, you have the potential of leeching some of the carcinogenic chemicals from the plastic. This is normally not a huge concern for most consumable goods, but water is something that we’re putting massive volumes into our body each day. With pretty much everything in the world now known to be carcinogenic, it seems like were asking for it by chugging water out of plastic bottles all the time.

3) Tap water is perfectly suitable to drink. Tap water is frequently tested for contaminants and these tests are reported publicly, unlike bottled water. Tap water is not allowed to have any form of E.Coli while bottled water has no such regulations. If you weren’t aware, E.Coli is the bacteria that lives in your asshole. Tap water has to pass an extensive set of standards that includes testing for chemicals that are found to be commonly leeched from plastics. Local tap water information can be found on the EPA website. If you aren’t happy with the way your water tastes, there are several kinds of water filters that can adjust this for you. There is no reason to be scared of tap water, only reasons to be thankful.

4) Bottled water is really bad for the environment. Aside from the obvious plastic waste generated (3 billion pounds per year), the manufacturing of consumable packaging is very costly. Goods that are consumed (foods and pharmaceuticals) have much higher quality standards than those that aren’t (shoes, pillows, paper clips, etc.) because—well—we have to put them inside our bodies. These manufacturing costs include the usage of nearly 20 million barrels of oil per year. To put that into perspective, the US as a whole consumes 18 million barrels of oil  per day. That’s an entire day’s worth of oil to put something that’s free into a god damn container.

5) Bottled water is really fucking expensive. The bottled water industry is enormous, raking in around $60 billion per year globally. Whereas tap water typically costs one sixth of a fucking penny per gallon, bottled water can run you up to 8 dollars per gallon. That’s paying nearly five thousand times more for the water that’s bad for the environment and not better for your health. That’s like choosing to buy a cheeseburger at Burger King for 10,000 dollars instead of a cheeseburger at In-n-Out for 2 bucks. A mother cunting bad decision. And the wrapper from the BK burger is thrown in the street while the In-n-out wrapper is properly disposed of. The comparison is absolutely fucking ludicrous.  I know it’s more than tempting to jump into anything related to or touching Jennifer Aniston, but we have to see through these bullshit (sexy) advertisement campaigns and keep our wallets in our pockets. They are stealing our money.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to reasons for not buying bottled water. There are even more socioeconomic reasons to eliminate bottled water as well as political motivation; the list is really quite endless. Do a few Google searches about this topic and educate yourself about the truths and myths of bottled water–you’ll be surprised with what you find.

Eat well, drink for free, and get #geared.

– Poseidon