The term Hoodrat, made popular by the fat Hoodrat YouTube sensation kid, is one of my dear favorites. Hoodrats are a species that can be found everywhere (contrary to the popular belief that Hoodrats only reside in the ‘hood) and they hide in plain sight. Hoodratism can be as subtle as a quick upward head-nod, but as blatant as a brass-knucks-on-chain necklace. In this post, we’ll teach you the common symptoms used to diagnose a Hoodrat.
Playing ball (a.k.a. pick-up Basketball) is a way of life for Hoodrats. All Hoodrats eat, shit, and sleep basketball. Ballin’ is how Hoodrats achieve reputation, and is a fundamental pillar in their social hierarchy. Ask a Hoodrat if they want to ball at any time of the day or night and I can guarantee you that they will be down. I remember when I was visiting New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, and as the power lines were crashing down all around us, I asked a nearby Hoodrat, “Yo, you wanna ball?” Without any hesitation whatsover, the Hoodrat pulled out a spotless pair of Air Force Ones from his Nike drawstring bag and started walking towards the courts.
2. Concealed Weapons
This goes without saying, but Hoodrats always carry concealed weapons. However, there’s a strong misconception about this stereotype: Hoodrats never actually use their weapons. Concealed weapons are purely for swag. You better believe that a top tier Hoodrat is carrying a diamond-studded pair of brass knuckles in his pocket at all times. You can also bet that he won’t bust out the knucks unless he’s trying to impress a boss ass bitch.
3. Shoulder Leaning
While the shoulder lean is a mainstay in any Hoodrat’s dance arsenal (along with the 2-step), it is much more than just a club move. In fact, it is a versatile form of communication that can be used to convey a wide range of expressions. A quick shoulder lean with a hold after the lean may indicate that the Hoodrat is surprised, while a slow shoulder lean with a quick bounce back up may be a show of strength and confidence. There haven’t been a whole lot of publications on shoulder leaning in reputable scientific journals, but it’s quickly exploding into one of the most researched fields. P.S. if you can name the rapper that originally coined the term “Shoulder Lean”, then you, my friend, are a full-blown Hoodrat.
4. Smoke Tricks
If you can’t blow a proper ghost, you’re at best a bottom-feeder Hoodrat. A quality french-inhale can boost you in the Hoodrat rankings faster than you can say “Fiddy don’ know how to treat a lady? They wrong.”
5. “U know”
Uh huh, U know wut it is. U know. Hoodrats love saying the phrase “you know” (properly spelled in Hoodrat lingo as “U know”) as a response to pretty much any question asked to them. What’s up man, you wanna play some ball today? U know. What’s up dude, did you get a new knife? U know. How much cash did you make slingin’ bootleg Chinese movies? U know. Want to roast swishers in the parking lot? U know!
6. Secret Handshakes
If you have a secret handshake with anyone, you are mostly likely a Hoodrat. Obviously the degree of Hoodrat varies with the difficulty of the handshake. A synchronized snap of the fingers at the end of the handshake is always a solid move, and anything that requires a non-hand body part is serious. One of the most legendary handshakes of all time is surprisingly found in Mandy Moore’s A Walk to Remember, where two closet Hoodrats reveal their true selves. Can’t go wrong with anything LeBron does either.
This used to confuse the shit out of me but after serious contemplation, it makes perfect sense. Why do you always see Hoodrats wearing backpacks? They aren’t in school, they aren’t traveling, they aren’t going to work–what is the function of that backpack?! Utility! It’s the same exact reason why Meatheads wear cargo shorts. How are you going to carry your pack of swishers and a tall can of Steel Reserve? And you never know when you’ll need a swisher.
8. Casually Calling Famous People By Their First Name
Whether it’s listening to some Ja, or watching Bron in a Miami Heat game, Hoodrats love nothing more than to act like they’re buddies with famous people (i.e famous Hoodrats). Things get weird when you start hearing people talk about their homie, Aubrey.
9. Having Your Back
Hoodrats always have your back, but sometimes it goes way too far. Like that time your Hoodrat friend would not let it go that someone bumped into your girl at a bar, and you had to spend the rest of the night restraining him. Which brings me to another interesting point: Hoodrats love being restrained.
10. Talking Shit
Hoodrats are always talking shit. Call now.